Teen Titans: Aladdin
by Lady Isla
Summary: The Titans Titans and other TT characters star in this popular Disney film with a few hilarious results and twists!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Aladdin and Teen Titans.

**TEEN TITANS: ALADDIN**

**Chapter I**

Control Freak enters the set in full movie director's attire. "Awright, people!" he called out. "I'll be your director for the whole movie! Let's get this baby started!"

At this, he rubbed his hands together and laughed menacingly. Everyone gave him dead-pan stares.

"Dudes, when did he become director?" Beast Boy cried with horror and shock. "Where's Isla?"

"She's having other businesses to attend. So we'll do without her," Control Freak explained. "Okay, let's get this show on the road! Places, everybody!"

Everyone scrambled to their roles.

"LIGHTS!" Control Freak shouted. A flash of bright light shone upon his eyes. "Not on me, you idiot!"

"Sorry," Dr. Light apologized. Then he added, "Not."

"CAMERA!"

"Rolling!" Fang shouted.

"And... ACTION!"

We began our movie with a view of a vast desert during sundown. We hear Aqualad's voice sweeping among the breeze as he was seen riding a camel Beast Boy had morphed into.

"This is so stupid," Aqualad groans. But he began the opening song.

_Oh I come from a land_

_From a faraway place_

_Where the caravan camels roam_

_Where it's flat and immense_

_And the heat is intense_

_It's barbaric, but hey--it's home!_

"You don't say. Wow, I'm impressed," Raven said off-screen, rolling her eyes. Aqualad ignores this remark and continues singing. And doing a good job too.

_When the wind's at your back_

_And the sun's from the west_

_And the sand in the glass is right_

_Come on down,_

_Stop on by_

_Hop a carpet and fly_

_To another Arabian night!_

Then we move this scene to a view of the Agrabah. In the middle of this city, we catch a glimpse of a magnificent castle which reminds you of a vanilla sundae.

"Mmm… sundae," Control Freak sighed.

_Arabian nights_

_Like Arabian days_

_More often than not_

_Are hotter than hot_

_In a lot of good ways, _sang Aqualad.

The Aqualad and BB/Camel appeared at the street. Aqualad was still singing, but Beast Boy was all tired and sweating. He's about to collapse any minute. Aqualad noticed this too. He takes out Da Whip Of Doom (or DWOD, for short) and whips Beast Boy with it. BB yelps with pain.

"Dude, stop whipping me!" Beast Boy whines. His behind was now raw pink.

"No," Aqualad said. Raven cracks an amused smile.

_Arabian nights_

_'Neath Arabian moons_

_A fool off his guard_

_Could fall and fall hard_

_Out there on the dunes._

Beast Boy collapsed on the ground. Tired, exhausted, and in pain. Aqualad slides off him with ease. He looks at the camera and audience. And the readers who are reading this.

"Ah, Salaam and good evening to you worthy friend," he greeted. "Please, please, come closer!"

The camera zooms in, hitting Aqualad in the face.

"Curse you, Fang! It's too close, a little too close!" Aqualad growled. Fang guffaws and he zooms the camera back out. Aqualad fixes his face and turns back to the camera.

"Welcome to Agrabah! City of mystery…"

At this, he lights up a match, which the flame ends up burning his fingers. He waved his fingers back and forth in pain.

"… of enchantment…"

During this, he wraps an arm around BB/camel. _Lovingly_.

"Eep, he's freaking me out," Beast Boy gulped. Raven tries to stifled her giggles.

"… and the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan, on sale today, come on down!" Aqualad exclaimed, and a merchandise booth appeared out of nowhere beside him. He appeared behind the counter.

"Hehe, look at this."

And he pulled out a strange looking device.

"It's a combination hookah and coffee maker, also makes English waffles! It will not break! Will not--"

Aqualad tapped it against the table and it broke. "Well, whaddaya know? It broke." He tosses it aside.

"Oh, look at this!" he exclaimed. He reached under the counter to pull out a white box.

"I've never seen one of these intact before," he said eagerly.

"You have never seen a box before?" Beast Boy gasped. Everyone groaned at his stupidity.

"Green dude, shut up," Control Freak told him.

"It is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware!" Aqualad began in an excited whisper. "Listen."

With that, he pried it open, made a small raspberry sound, and slammed it shut.

"See? Still good… hey, why is my character goofy?"

The camera started to pan to the right and Aqualad hurries to catch up to it.

"Wait! Wait, don't go!" He pleaded. He finally took hold of the camera. "I can see that you're only interested in the exceptionally rare. Then I think you would be reward to consider this."

Aqualad reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a… teapot?

Control Freak chuckled nervously. "I like teapots."

"We're doomed," said Robin, a la C-3PO.

"Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts."

Another pan, this one to the left. Again, Aqualad rushes to catch up.

"Will you stop moving the camera, Fang!" he yelled.

"Never," Fang muttered happily.

"Fine…" Aqualad turns to the camera. "Listen, this is no ordinary teapot! It once changed the course of a young teenager's life. Who liked this teapot was more than what that teenager seemed… A diamond in the rough. Perhaps you would like to hear the tale?" Aqualad asked.

"Ooh! Ooh! I love bedtime stories!" Beast Boy giggles enthusiastically. Aqualad pours shiny sand from the teapot into his hand.

"It begins on a dark night, where a dark villain waits, with a dark purpose." At the last line, Aqualad said with mystery he throws the sand into the sky, where it forms a starry nightscape. Beast Boy, backstage, quickly morphs into another animal.

Darkness had fallen over the quiet desert. All was calm. The only sign of life was a green horse (Beast Boy again). Sitting on top of the horse is a mysterious person in blackness with the outline of a teenager. A bird-like creature is resting on the man's shoulder.

Another horse came up to the first horse and stopped. Gizmo jumps down from the horse and looks up at the lone stranger.

"You… are late." A pair of gleaming eyes glared down at Gizmo.

"A thousand apologies, O patient, wart-faced snotmuncher," Gizmo said giving a bow. "Out of all the snots out there, why do I end up working for you!"

"Because I'm paying you that's why! Anyway, do you have it then?" The teenager asked.

"Oh yeah," Gizmo said. "Had to rob several banks, slit a few throats, and beat up a couple of old ladies to get it." He reaches into his sleeve and pulls out half of a scarab medallion and held it out but retracts it quickly. "Ah ah ah… The treasure…?"

Cyborg screeched as he flew past Gizmo's hand, snatching the medallion away. He flew back to the teenager.

"Aw man, why am I a parrot!" he groaned. He drops the half scarab and it was caught by Kitten. She wore a similar outfit of Jafar's but it was all pink. Pink, people! PINK! Her fingers curled around the item.

"Trust me my pungent friend," she smirks, "you'll get what's coming to you." "What's coming to you!" Cyborg screeched. "Awk!"

During this, Kitten pulls out the other half of the medallion. She connects them, and the insect medallion begins to glow. Finally, it flies out of her hands, and is off towards the dunes.

"Quickly, follow the trail!" she commanded. They all ride off, following the glowing speck of light. The insect medallion flew much faster than before.

"Faster!" Kitten shrieked at Beast Boy, whipping him with DWOD.

"Will you stop whipping me!" Beast Boy yelped from sheer torture.

The chase continues for a few moments until the scarab reaches a large dune. It separates into two and the halves plunge into the dune. All that remains are two glowing points of light on the dune. Kitten and Gizmo stopped and watch with anticipation. Suddenly, the dune begins to rise up, transforming into a giant dragon's head, with the glowing points serving as the eyes.

The dragon opened it's mouth wide to reveal a cave.

"Please, isn't that dragon Malchior?" Starfire asked curiously.

"He wanted a role in the movie, so I gave him one!" Control Freak said.

Malchior glared at him. "I was supposed to be Jafar!"

Control Freak shrugs his shoulders instead.

Kitten, Cyborg, and Gizmo stared at the dragon's head with awe.

"At last," Kitten exclaimed, "after all my years of searching, the Cave of Wonders!"

"Awk! Cave of wonders!" Cyborg squawked again.

"Whoa," Gizmo gasped.

Kitten grabs his shirt and pulls his face towards hers.

"Now remember, Baldie! Bring me the teapot!" she told him. "The rest of the treasure is yours, but the teapot… is mine!"

Then she releases him. Gizmo starts to approach the dragon's mouth as he chuckles.

"Awk, the lamp! Awk, the lamp!" Cyborg squawked twice. Now that he and Kitten are alone, he lowers his voice in normal English.

"Jeez, where'd ya dig this bozo up?" he asked her.

"I heard that, Tinman!" Gizmo said.

Kitten puts her finger to her lips and shushes Cyborg.

Gizmo reaches the cave, but is blown away by the roar of the cave's speaking.

"Who disturbs my slumber?" Malchior's voice boomed.

Gizmo's knees began to tremble. He spoke up cautiously.

"It is I, Gizmo, a humble thief," he answered.

"Of course," Malchior said with sarcasm. Then he added in his booming voice, "Know this! Only one may enter here. One whose worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough!"

Gizmo turns to Kitten with a questioning look.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Kitten asked impatiently. "Go on!"

Gizmo gulps. He hesitates, then moves one foot inside the cave. Then he plants his foot down. Nothing happens. Relieved, he begins to relax when another roar comes. Gizmo screams with terror. He tries to turn back, but the dragon's mouth slams shut and the dune collapses back to normal. All that are left are Kitten, Cyborg, and the two separated halves of the medallion.

"Seek thee out, the diamond in the rough..." Malchior's voice trail off.

Cyborg unburied himself from the sand, coughing as he does so.

"I can't believe it! I just don't believe it! We are never gonna get a hold of that stupid lamp!" he shouted with fury. During his rants, he flies back bringing the two scarab halves back to Kitten and rests on her shoulder.

"Just forget it. Look at this. Look at this! I'm so ticked off that I'm molting!"

"Patience, Cyborg. Patience!" she told him. "Gizmo was obviously less than worthy."

"Why you--" Gizmo growled off-stage.

Cyborg began his rants again, this time, with extreme sarcasm.

"Oh, there's a big surprise! That's an incred--I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from not surprise! What're we gonna do? We got a big problem here! A big prob-"

Kitten clamps his mouth shut.

"Yes, we do," she agreed. "Only one may enter. One who is worthy. I must find this one, this...diamond in the rough."

**Review, please! No flames allowed!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Aladdin and Teen Titans.

**Claimer:** I own DWOD.

**TEEN TITANS: ALADDIN**

**Chapter II**

"Stop, thief!"

Our scene begins with Starfire rushing forward and stopping on the edge of a roof, carrying a loaf of bread. She almost drops it. She turns back to see Slade, Mammoth, and Warp coming toward her. Starfire is wearing a similar outfit of Aladdin's, but she wears a SHIRT underneath the purple vest.

"Remember," Control Freak said, in front the camera. "Beside the fact that Aladdin wears the vest, he never wore a shirt underneath."

"That's kind of a good thing," Fang agreed. "We don't want her… knobs… busting out now, do we?"

"Show us the knobs!" Half of the males from _Teen Titans_ yelled.

"Shut up or I'll whip you with DWOD!" Control Freak shouted. Anyway, back to the movie…

"I'll have your hands for a trophy, street rat!" Slade said, pulling out a sword.

"Um, isn't that a bit, violent?" Mammoth asked.

Warp smacks him on the head. "This film is supposed to have some violence in it!"

Starfire looks back down, and then at the bread.

"All this for a loaf of bread?" Starfire asked herself. Without any second thoughts, she jumps off.

"Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!"

She landed on two ropes strung between the buildings, with drying clothes on them. She slides down them in a rapid speed, collecting pieces of clothing on her as she goes. Finally, she's nearing the end of the rope, at a window. Jinx sees her, screams, reaches out and slams the shutters closed. Starfire slams into the shutters and falls to the street. Her fall is broken by numerous awnings and the pile of clothes around her.

"Owww," she moans. Then she quickly shots out a hand from inside the pile, and catches the bread on cue. She pulls off the top layer of clothes.

"There she is!" Slade shouted from the roof. Starfire looks up.

"You won't get away so easy!" Warp told her, waving a fist.

"You think that was easy?" Starfire asked them.

Then she hears someone laughing. She looks at Raven, Bumble Bee, and Terra, who were laughing at her. She smiles nervously when she turns around to see the palace guards nearby, still searching for her.

"You two, over that way, and you, follow me!" Slade instructs Warp and Mammoth. "We'll find her…"

"I do not wish to be found," Starfire said.

She quickly pulls a sheet over her and wraps herself as a disguise. She rushes over to the other girls.

"Morning, dear friends!" she greeted them.

"Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we, Starfire?" Bumble Bee asked.

"_We_?" Starfire repeated, looking confused. "How are you in trouble?"

"Question later, Star baby," Control Freak.

"Trouble?" Starfire repeated the keyword. She smiles. "I do not think so. You're only in trouble if you get caught --"

Slade's hand grabs Starfire's shoulder and yanks her back. Her disguise falls off.

"Eep! I'm in trouble!" Starfire gasped.

Slade's eyes gleamed. "This time --"

But his turban was pulled down over his face. Beast Boy, now morphed into a green monkey, stands on Slade' head, laughing.

"Guys, did you see that!" he giggled.

"We all saw that, Beast Boy," Raven said.

"Perfect timing, friend Beast Boy!" Starfire thanked him.

"Perfect? It was excellent!" Beast Boy said, emphasizing on the last word with pride. Then he jumps on Starfire --

(Cast: GASP!)

-- ON the shoulder!

(Cast: sigh with relief)

"Come, let's leave!" Starfire says. Then she began her song.

_Gotta keep...one jump ahead of the breadline_

_One swing ahead of the sword_

_I steal only what I can't afford_

_That's everything!_

Starfire, during her song, dodges Mammoth, who was wielding a sword. Beast Boy raspberries at Mammoth, then ducks an attack. Mammoth swings at Starfire, but destroys a barrel of fish. She then pulls out his belt, down came his pants. We catch a glimpse of his teddy bear-printed boxers.

"Okay, now this awkward," Mammoth said in a nervous whisper. Gizmo (off-screen) chuckles. As Starfire runs off, Mammoth pulls a fish over his lower body as a pair of pants.

"Now THIS is awkward!" Mammoth shouted.

CLICK! FLASH!

"Was that the camera!" he panicked. Cyborg hides the evidence behind his back and whistles with innocence.

Starfire and Beast Boy stops in front of Warp. He tries to slash them, but they duck.

_One jump ahead of the lawmen_

_That's all, and that's no joke_

_These guys don't appreciate I'm broke!_

Starfire and Beast Boy scamper up a pile of barrels, and then she kicks one down on top of another Warp.

"Riffraff!" said Warp.

"Street rat!" said Mammoth.

"Scoundrel!" Slade shouted at her.

"Take that!" Mammoth throws a couple of fruits at her, but she dodges. Starfire had scampered to the top of a platform. She looks down at them with puppy eyes.

"Just a little snack, guys!" she sang.

Then she quickly dodges again when they threw knives and swords at her. Slade, Warp, and Mammoth began shaking the platform back and fro trying to knock her off.

_Rip her open, take it back guys! _They sang in unison.

Starfire jumps off the platform, and grabs Beast Boy's hands. The pair swings into a room.

_I can take a hint, gotta face the facts_

_You're my only friend, Beast Boy!_

"Thanks!" Beast Boy said. Speedy, Kid Flash, and Rorek, who were all in the same room, began to sing...

"I'm going to kill the person who wrote this script," Rorek growls.

"Actually, these costumes are quite comfy," Kid Flash sighs.

"Don't say that!" Speedy hissed. "I'm disturbed enough already!"

Control Freak whips the three of them with DWOD.

"I said, sing! Not talk! Do your duties, slaves!" he boomed.

The three young men gave him death glares and began to sing.

_Oh, it's sad that Starfire's hit the bottom_

_She's become a one-gal rise in crime_

"I'd blame parents, except she hasn't got 'em!" Mother Mae-Eye appears. Starfire continues her song.

_Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat_

_Tell you all about it when I got the time!_

Then with that, she and Beast Boy exit. Then we cut to Killer Moth flexing his muscles to a crowd.

"I don't enjoy this one bit!" he growled, glaring at the director. Control Freak just sips from a soda can.

_One jump ahead of the slowpokes_

_One skip ahead of my doom_

_Next time gonna use a nom de plume_

As Slade, Mammoth, and Warp rush past, we cut to Starfire and Beast Boy behind Killer Moth, matching his moves, until they make a mistake and they are discovered. They silently rush off.

"Non de plume? What's that?" Beast Boy asked. Nobody asks him.

_One jump ahead of the hitmen_

_One hit ahead of the flock_

_I think I'll take a stroll around the block_

Starfire and Beast Boy, pursued by the guards, race through a flock of sheep.

Then they jump over a Brother Blood sleeping on a bed of nails. One by one, the guards followed their example until Mammoth lands on Blood.

"You moron!" he screamed in agony.

"Sorry," Mammoth apologizes sheepishly.

Meanwhile, Beast Boy disguises himself with jewels until a Katarou (the guy from "Quest") discovers him.

"_Stop, thief! Vandal! Outrage! Scandal!" _he shouted. Starfire quickly grabs Beast Boy and ran off. Soon, they are surrounded by the palace guards in front of a door.

_Let's not be too hasty,_ Starfire sang.

The door opens and Red-X comes out. He holds her affectionately.

_Still I think she's rather tasty_, he sang.

"Star, I think Red-X is a cannibal!" Beast Boy gasped in horror.

Starfire screams and blasts Red-X with a star bolt. Red-X groans and falls unconscious.

"Oh, come on! We just nailed that scene!" Control Freak cried.

Starfire tumbles away before she gets whipped by DWOD. Then she puts her arm around a Warp, acting like they're all good chums.

_Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat_

_Otherwise we'd get along!_

"WRONG!" they all shouted and they all jump into a pile and fight. When they stop, Starfire and BB are gone. They are sneaking away in barrels. They run across a flaming pit, followed by the guards who all hop up and down, screaming in pain as they cross the rocks.

Starfire and Beast Boy pass Adonis (who is a sword swallower). Then BB goes back, pulls the sword out of the Adonis' mouth. ABU advances on the guards, who retreat in fear.

"He's got a sword!" Mammoth screams in terror.

Beast Boy laughs maniacally.

"You idiots!" Slade growls, and pulls out his sword. "We've ALL got swords!

"Oh, you're right. I feel like an idiot," Warp slaps his forehead.

The guards then raised their swords. Beast Boy gulps, sets the sword down gently, and then runs. Starfire is once again surrounded, with guards coming from left and right. She jumps up and climbs a robe trick being done on the street. The palace guards all crash into each other. Ouch.

"Why are all acting like fools?" Slade yelled.

_One jump ahead of the hoofbeats!_

_**Vandal!**_

_One hop ahead of the hump!_

_**Street rat!**_

_One trick ahead of disaster_

_**Scoundrel!**_

_They're quick--but I'm much faster_

_**Take that!**_

They chase Starfire up a staircase into a room. She grabs a carpet.

_Here goes, better throw my hand in_

_Wish me happy landin'_

_All I gotta do is jump!_

And she jumps out the window. Slade, Mammoth, and Warp follow her (idiots!), but they go straight down to the street, and land in a pile of fertilizer.

"Manure! I hate manure!" Warp shouted. (1)

"When Isla comes back from whatever is her business, I'll kill her!" Slade said, his head now filling with lists of revenge.

(1) A line from "Back to the Future 2".

**Review, please! No flames allowed! Or you shall feel the wrath of DWOD! Muahahaha!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Aladdin and Teen Titans.

**Claimer:** I own DWOD.

**TEEN TITANS: ALADDIN**

**Chapter II**

Starfire, meanwhile, uses the carpet as a parachute to land safely and out of danger. Starfire and Beast Boy high-five each other.

"We sure made monkeys out of them, Star!" Beast Boy laughed.

"It was glorious!" she exclaimed. Then she breaks the bread in two and gives half to her friend. "And now, esteemed effendi, we feast!"

Starfire begins to eat but she looks over to see Kole and Larry the Titan rummaging through the garbage can for food.

"But… but I thought we are looking for Waldo!" Larry protested.

"Who's Waldo?" Kole asked. Then she sees Starfire, then drops her find and tries to hide. Starfire, with teary eyes, looks at them, then the bread, then at Beast Boy.

He knows what on her mind. "Uh-oh! No way, Star! We risked our lives to get this!"

"But Beast Boy, they need this more than we do."

"NO! This bread came to me! It's mine! My preciousss..."

He takes a big bite of his food. He chews on the bread for a few moments then spit it out.

"ACK! This is meat bread!" he exclaimed in horror. Cyborg laughs at his own little prank. Starfire gets up and walks over to the children. Kole pulls Larry back.

"Hi, Starfire!" The little Titan greeted the alien in a very loud voice.

Starfire holds up the bread in front of them.

"Here, go on--take it," she said. The children looked at each other and Kole reluctantly takes the bread. Starfire, now smiling, pats them on their heads. They giggle with delight. Beast Boy tries then looks guilty.

"Give them the bread now, little green dude," Control Freak spoke up gently. This voice turned deep and raspy, "Or you shall fear the Wrath of DWOD."

"Aw, dude! What the heck!" he moaned. He walks over to the children and offers his bread to them. In delight, they pet him on the head.

"Good monkey!" they cooed in unison.

"Ah, don't," he said. "Huh?"

Beast Boy sees Starfire walking into the daylight, where there is a parade going on. Starfire peers over the shoulders of people. She sees Blackfire, in magnificent attire, riding on a horse. The horse looks familiar, he looks like—

"Bloody bugger!" Mad Mod cried. Or in this case, neighed. "I'm going to kill the ducky who turned me into a horse."

"Be quiet," Blackfire told him and she whips him with DWOD. Mad Mod whimpers in a horse-like manner.

"Aw, what's the manner, Mod?" BB asked, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Why the long face?"

Everyone on the set, except Mod, began to laugh. Then they suddenly shut up when they saw Control Freak reaching for DWOD.

"On her way to the palace, I suppose," Aqualad said thoughtfully.

"Another snotty suitor for the prince," Gizmo sighs.

"Blackfire?" Starfire gasped when she saw her sister. Then she is startled as Kole and Larry come running out from the alley.

"Hey, there's Waldo! I found him!" Larry exclaimed.

"Larry, come back here!" Kole shouted after him.

Larry runs out in front of the Mod-Horse, startling him.

"Out of my way, you filthy brats!" Blackfire snarls as brings up her whip to attack the children. Starfire, with Beast Boy on her shoulder, jumps in front of them and catches the whip.

"If I were as rich as you, I could afford some manners," she said, glaring.

Blackfire looks offended. "Oh--I teach you some manners!"

She kicks Starfire into a mud puddle. The crowds laugh at the fallen alien. Beast Boy looks disgusted when he realized he was covered in mud.

"Oh, come on! I just cleaned my fur yesterday!" he groans.

Starfire stares after Blackfire. "Look at that, friend Beast Boy. It's not every day you see a horse with two rear ends!"

"WHHAAAAAT!" Mad Mod shouts and stops in front of the doors to the castle. He gave Star a dirty look, and it looks funny. Hehe.

Blackfire turns back to Starfire.

"You are a worthless street rat," she told her in a perfect bad gal sort-of-way. "You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and only your fleas will mourn you!"

Starfire, now offended, rushes to Blackfire , but the doors slam shut in his face.

"I am not worthless!" she called out. Then she added, scratching her head, "And I do not have fleas."

Realizing what she is doing, she sighs. "Come on, Beast Boy. Let's go home."

As they start homeward bound, Starfire began to sing:

_Riffraff, street rat._

_I don't buy that._

_If only they'd look closer_

_Would they see a poor boy? _

_No siree._

She makes the climb to her home with the view, then tucks in BB for the night.

_They'd find out, there's so much more to me._

She pulls back a curtain to reveal the beautiful palace. She sighs deeply.

"Someday, Beast Boy, things are gonna change," she told him as she gazes at the palace. "We'll be rich, live in a palace, and never have any problems at all."

Dissolve to same shot during day. Cut to chamber. The door bursts open, and Blackfire storms in.

"I've never been so insulted!" she growls.

"Oh, Princess Blackfire. You're not leaving so soon, are you?" said a mysterious voice in the shadow. The figure steps out; and the guy who's playing the Sultan is… Batman!

Everyone was all wide-eyed and their jaws were open.

"Wha- wha- what are you doing here!" Control Freak asked, really shocked.

"Aladdin is my favorite movie," Batman replied in a monotone voice.

"Good luck marrying him off!" Blackfire shouted as she storms away. We see a glimpse of a pink and black underwear through her ripped rear area of her pants.

Batman rolls his eyes. "Oh, Robin!"

He goes off into the garden looking for his "son".

"Robin! Robin!" he calls out.

He finds him, but is interrupted by Silkie, now a huge worm, who blocks him off. Silkie has a piece of Blackfire's underpants in his mouth. Batman grabs the cloth and yanks it out of the worm's teeth.

"Confound it, Silkie!" he said. "So, this is why Princess Blackfire stormed out."

Silkie then comes over and allows Robin to pet and hug him.

"I don't want to hug a worm," he mutters. But he did anyway. "Oh… father. It's strange calling Batman 'father'. Silkie was just playing with her, weren't you Silkie? You were just playing with that overdressed, self-absorbed Princess Blackfire, weren't you?

"I am not self-absorbed!" Blackfire shouted. Then she looks lovingly at herself in a nearby mirror. "Oh, you are one hot female."

Robin cuddles with Silkie (shudders), enjoying the moment (shudders again), until he looks up at Batman.

"Please don't get any ideas; Silkie and I were just good friends!"

"Robin, you've got to stop rejecting every suitor that comes to call," Batman scolded him. "The law says you..."

Then they both said it together as they walk over to a dove cage, "...must be married to a princess."

"By your next birthday," Batman added.

"The law is wrong!" Robin protested. "Sheesh, talk about being stubborn."

"You were always stubborn. You've only got three more days."

Robin takes a dove out of the cage and pets it. "Batman, I mean father, I hate being forced into this. If I do marry, I want it to be for love."

"AWWWW," everyone sighed.

"Robin," the Dark Night began. He now looks concerned. "It's not only this law. I'm not going to be around forever, and I just want to make sure you're taken care of, provided for."

Then he puts it back in the cage.)

Robin groans. "Try to understand! I've never done a thing on my own."

He swirls his finger in the water of the pond, petting the fish. (Okay, enough petting! I'm already disturbed!)

"Beside the Titans… I've never had any real friends."

Silkie looks up at him and growls.

"Except you, Silkie."

Satisfied, the large worm goes back to sleep.

"I've never even been outside the palace walls."

"But Robin, you're a prince," Batman stated.

"Then maybe I don't want to be a prince!" the Boy Wonder decided.

Batman sighs in defeat. "I give up. I forbid you should have any sons!"

As the Dark Knight stalks off, Robin goes to the dove cage and yanks open the door. The birds fly off into freedom... and one of them gets shot in mid-air. All eyes turn to see Control Freak hastily hides a shotgun behind his back.

"What?" he said

Meanwhile, Batman was walking into a chamber that was filled with assortment of toys.

"I don't know where he gets it from. His mother wasn't nearly so picky," he said this he began to fingering a miniature version of the castle. A shadow falls over him. He looks up, half-startled and sees Kitten smiling menacingly at him. Cyborg is sitting on her shoulder with an exact grin.

"Ah, Kitten," he spoke up. "My most… trusted… advisor. I am in desperate need of your wisdom."

"Ooh, really?" she gasped. "My life is but to serve you, my bat lord. What seems to be the trouble?"

"It's this suitor business," Batman told her. "Robin refuses to choose a wife. I'm at my wit's-end."

"Awk! Wit's-end!" Cyborg squawked. "Why am I playing the parrot?"

"I don't know, it was the script," Control Freak said.

Batman notices Cyborg and pulls out a cracker from his pocket. Cyborg is terrified. Not terrified of the cracker; terrified of _Batman_ giving _him_ a _cracker_.

"Have a cracker, pretty polly," Batman said, smirking.

"Nuh-uh! Over my dead--" Cyborg didn't finish because Batman had stuff the cracker down the cyborg-turned-parrot's mouth. Cyborg grimaced.

"TOFU CRACKERS!" he chokes out.

Kitten laughs. "Your Batness certainly has a way with dumb animals."

Cyborg glares at her.

"Now then," she began, "perhaps I can divine a solution to this thorny problem. But it would require the use of the mystic blue diamond."

Batman looks down at the ring he's wearing. (Imagine Bats wearing a ring…)

"My ring? But it's been in the family for years. Not that I own it in reality."

"It is necessary to find the prince a suitor."

Then she turns her staff with a cobra head towards the Dark Knight. The eyes of the staff begin to glow. The room darkens; Kitten's voice slows down and deepens. Batman's eyes get a hypnotized look.

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine," she commented. She seems to enjoy mesmerizing old Bats.

"Everything...will be...fine."

"The diamond."

"Here, Kitten," he removes his ring and hands it to her. "Whatever you need will be fine."

The room returns to normal as Kitten grabs the ring.

"You are most gracious, my liege! Now run along and play with your little toys."

"Yes…"

Then Kitten and Cyborg exit. Once they're out of the room, Cyborg spits out the cracker.

"I can't take it anymore!" he shouted. "If I gotta choke down on one more of those moldy, disgusting tofu crackers...bam! Whack!"

Kitten pulls a rope, which reveals a hidden entrance to her chambers.

"Oh shut up, metal brain," Kitten said.

"… Then I'd grab him around the head. Whack! Whack!"

"Soon, I will be sultan, not that cowl-wearing bat!"

"And then I stuff the crackers down his throat! Hahahahahaha!--"

Cyborg stopped laughing when he realized it was Batman he was talking about.

"I mean, noooooo!"

**Review, please! No flames allowed!**


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